As your parents age and need assistance with life's tasks – anything from balancing a checkbook to dealing with insurance claims – its hard to know how to take charge, without taking over. How do you help your parent, without making them feel as if they're losing their independence? How do you get the job done without condescending, or making them angry?

How many times have you found yourself "showing" someone how to do something by doing it for them? It's human nature. But while it might make sense to show by doing when you are "teaching" someone younger or less familiar with a particular topic than you are, it usually leads to anger when you do this when you are "assisting" someone with a task that he previously has been perfectly capable of handling himself.

It was probably hard enough for your mom to agree to let you help her pay her bills and balance her checkbook after your dad died. And even once she agreed, it wouldn't be surprising if she told you that she didn't know why you were insisting on helping her since she is perfectly capable of doing it herself.

The truth is that acknowledging that you need help with the business of life is really, really hard for most seniors. If they come to the point where they need your help, they are confronted with their own limitations. And those limitations won't "get better" in most cases. Deep down, your mom knows that this is the beginning of the end of her independence as she has come to know it.

So, how do you take charge without taking over?

1. Let them take the lead

If possible, do the tasks alongside your mom rather than doing it for her. While this approach might take longer than doing it yourself, you allow mom to retain some self esteem by letting her take the lead.

2. Ask what they need help with

Let your dad tell you what aspects of a particular activity he needs your help with, and if possible, try to limit your assistance to just those things, at least for now. Of course, if your dad doesn't have a realistic picture of what he can do for himself, you will need to gently find a way to help him see your perspective.

3. Be respectful

Ask permission before you just jump in. For example, when you take your parents to a doctor's appointment, don't just assume that they want you to come into the examining room with them. Instead, ask them if they'd like you to be there the whole time, or if perhaps you can just be called in toward the end of the visit to make sure that YOUR questions are answered.

4. Set up invisible safety nets

For example, if you come every Sunday and set up your mom's medications in a weekly medication management system, you can have some expectation that she will take the correct medications at the right time. But it wouldn't hurt to also have a way of checking that once or twice during the week. This might take the form of a medication management visit by a home care company or trusted friend or relative or perhaps daily medication reminder phone calls from you.

5. Ensure safety

Make a distinction between safety and everything else. When your dad's safety is on the line, you might just have to take charge by taking over. On the other hand, if you'd just prefer that something be done a certain way or at a certain time, there might be an opportunity to loosen the grip a bit.

Your job as your parent's caregiver is to keep them safe, comfortable, and happy. As long as you keep that in perspective you should have no trouble taking charge without taking over.

Sheri Samotin is a Certified Professional Daily Money Manager, Certified Professional Coach and founder of LifeBridge Solutions, a one-stop shop for family transition coaching, caregiver coaching, medical billing advocacy, money management, household transition services, and estate administration support.

Most of the seniors that I come into contact with on a daily basis have such rich pasts and continue to be a huge source of inspiration, at least to me. There is great misunderstanding out there about what it is like to ‘get old’, after all ‘getting old’ is very subjective. At the age of 42, my children think I am REALLY old, but my clients think I am still quite young. Both are correct, it is a matter of perspective, isn’t it?

Let’s start with a question recently asked by a friend, “What made you decide to devote your life to seniors and their families”?  The first thing that came to mind was my earliest work experiences and how they have culminated into what is a life devoted to seniors.

At 17 years of age I was (and still am) an eternally optimistic and cheery person who loved spending time with all older people. My first job out of high school was working as a nursing aid at a convalescent center in San Diego County. I would show up for a 7a shift eager to see all of the residents. That shift was over at 3p, but almost daily someone wouldn’t come in for the 3p shift and it would be offered to me. This was great because it paid time and a half, and I was able to spend more time with the residents.  A few times the third shift, at double time, was offered and I would stay. Twenty-four hours later, I would head home feeling exhausted but satisfied that I could make a living spending time with such fascinating people.

The caregiving continued in college, working for a home care agency many weekends over the school year and during the summer months. I loved it and was good at it! After graduation and looking for a job,  I recalled something often said to me,” If you do what you love for a living then it isn’t work at all”. And so began a professional career working with seniors and their families. See Bio.

Fast forward 25 years!  I am the owner of Constant Companions Home Care in San Diego and S. Riverside, still assisting seniors to maximize their quality of life, no matter what their situation.

My passion for working with seniors continues. Why? Because, the seniors that I have met are truly amazing people! Their lives inspire me daily, and I hope to do the same for our readers through this series.

Let’s explore the histories, trials, tribulations, triumphs and current endeavors of seniors all over the world. If you know someone, including yourself, who has a wonderful story, past or present, email me at gbrown@constantcompanions.net . Together let’s celebrate our seniors, one story at a time.