Do you provide assistance for an older person who needs care? People of all ages can be caregivers, but it is very common for older people to become caregivers to their spouses or other loved ones, and – too often – they begin to neglect their own health at an age when they should really be paying more attention to it.

Caregiving is both mentally and physically stressful, and caregivers are considered to be at increased risk for physical health problems and depression. If you are a caregiver in your senior years, it is even more important that you take care of your own health.

The Health Effects of Caregiving

Whether caring for an ailing spouse or another loved one, many caregivers become so concerned with their care-providing role that they neglect their own health, putting themselves at increased risk of:

• Poor physical health: 16 percent of caregivers say that their health declined after they become caregivers.
• Psychological stress: Approximately half of all people who provide Alzheimer's care, a common type of elder care, report experiencing distress. The effects of psychological stress can be widespread and may include depression, burnout, alcohol and drug use, and other problems.
• Self-neglect: Caregivers are more likely than non-caregivers to eat poorly, be sleep deprived, not exercise, not rest when ill, and postpone medical appointments.
• Death: Caregivers are at higher risk of dying than the general population.

Caring for Yourself While Providing Care

When you’re involved in the stress and chaos of providing elder care, or any type of caregiving, it can be difficult to take a step back and focus on yourself. Keep in mind: The loved one you are caring for will be the first to benefit when you make your own health a priority.

Follow these suggestions for taking care of yourself while providing elder care:

• Participate in stress-reducing activities. Find things that you like to do to relieve the stress of caregiving. Take a yoga class, garden, meditate, or spend time with a friend. Do these activities regularly and you’ll have a better sense of control over your situation.
• Get your own medical care. You may be spending a lot of time at the doctor with your loved one, but don't use that as an excuse to skip your own medical visits. Make sure that you are getting regular check-ups and any testing vital for your own good health.
• Exercise regularly. Exercising will help reduce stress and keep you in good physical shape. Book regular appointments for yourself to take a brisk walk, attend an exercise class, or do some other type of physical activity that you enjoy.
• Take breaks. It is important that you get some time away from caregiving, though this can be especially difficult if you are providing elder care for someone who needs around-the-clock attention. Don't be shy: Ask another family member to step in and help. A friend or neighbor might be willing to give you a break. Also inquire about respite care resources in your community; options include day visits or short stays at a senior care facility.
• Practice positive self-talk. Many caregivers impose a huge burden on themselves, so it is important for your psychological health to replace negative thoughts with positive thinking. For example, instead of telling yourself, "I never do anything right," try focusing on the positive by thinking, "My aging parents enjoy spending time with me." If possible, talk about this with your loved one, who may be able to give you peace of mind by letting you know exactly what you are doing right.

As you begin to focus on your own health, you will feel more vital and energized, which will improve the quality of care you give to your loved ones.

Get more information in the Everyday Health Senior Health Center.

As your parents age and need assistance with life's tasks – anything from balancing a checkbook to dealing with insurance claims – its hard to know how to take charge, without taking over. How do you help your parent, without making them feel as if they're losing their independence? How do you get the job done without condescending, or making them angry?

How many times have you found yourself "showing" someone how to do something by doing it for them? It's human nature. But while it might make sense to show by doing when you are "teaching" someone younger or less familiar with a particular topic than you are, it usually leads to anger when you do this when you are "assisting" someone with a task that he previously has been perfectly capable of handling himself.

It was probably hard enough for your mom to agree to let you help her pay her bills and balance her checkbook after your dad died. And even once she agreed, it wouldn't be surprising if she told you that she didn't know why you were insisting on helping her since she is perfectly capable of doing it herself.

The truth is that acknowledging that you need help with the business of life is really, really hard for most seniors. If they come to the point where they need your help, they are confronted with their own limitations. And those limitations won't "get better" in most cases. Deep down, your mom knows that this is the beginning of the end of her independence as she has come to know it.

So, how do you take charge without taking over?

1. Let them take the lead

If possible, do the tasks alongside your mom rather than doing it for her. While this approach might take longer than doing it yourself, you allow mom to retain some self esteem by letting her take the lead.

2. Ask what they need help with

Let your dad tell you what aspects of a particular activity he needs your help with, and if possible, try to limit your assistance to just those things, at least for now. Of course, if your dad doesn't have a realistic picture of what he can do for himself, you will need to gently find a way to help him see your perspective.

3. Be respectful

Ask permission before you just jump in. For example, when you take your parents to a doctor's appointment, don't just assume that they want you to come into the examining room with them. Instead, ask them if they'd like you to be there the whole time, or if perhaps you can just be called in toward the end of the visit to make sure that YOUR questions are answered.

4. Set up invisible safety nets

For example, if you come every Sunday and set up your mom's medications in a weekly medication management system, you can have some expectation that she will take the correct medications at the right time. But it wouldn't hurt to also have a way of checking that once or twice during the week. This might take the form of a medication management visit by a home care company or trusted friend or relative or perhaps daily medication reminder phone calls from you.

5. Ensure safety

Make a distinction between safety and everything else. When your dad's safety is on the line, you might just have to take charge by taking over. On the other hand, if you'd just prefer that something be done a certain way or at a certain time, there might be an opportunity to loosen the grip a bit.

Your job as your parent's caregiver is to keep them safe, comfortable, and happy. As long as you keep that in perspective you should have no trouble taking charge without taking over.

Sheri Samotin is a Certified Professional Daily Money Manager, Certified Professional Coach and founder of LifeBridge Solutions, a one-stop shop for family transition coaching, caregiver coaching, medical billing advocacy, money management, household transition services, and estate administration support.

Gabriela F. Brown, the CEO and Founder of Constant Companions Home Care, has over 20 years of experience working with the elderly and their families, beginning in 1987 working as a nursing aid at Escondido Convalescent Center after graduation from Mt. Carmel H.S. in San Diego, CA.

From 1988-1992 she worked as a home care companion while attending Mary Baldwin College in Staunton, VA.

After graduation from college in 1992 she took an administrative position at a The University of Texas Medical Branch Home Health in Galveston, Texas.

In 1997 she accepted a position in Washington State with Evergreen Hospital in the department of Home Health and Hospice care.

For a brief time in 1998 she worked with a Skilled Nursing Facility, this emphasized for her that her passion was for the delivery of care in the home.

In 1998 a private Medicare home health company recruited her in North Seattle area, where she continued to develop her skill and knowledge base.

In 2001 a national non-medical home care agency asked her to head up the development of their fledgling San Diego branch. After a year and half, she was convinced that she could integrate the systems she learned in Medicare Home Health with the more intensive personal care aspects of non-medical home care.

In 2003, Constant Companions was founded, integrating the years of experience and knowlege she gained working at many levels in the continuum of care.

This experience has formed a comprehensive understanding of the emotional, psychological and clinical aspects that are involved in making a decision to use home care not just for the client but for their entire family.