Image by Play Group Article by CSA

Adult children are moving back home with mom and dad in record numbers these days. It’s often not the child’s choice, but rather as a result of circumstances, that parents and grown children find themselves as roommates once again.

The conditions that may force an adult child home include downsizing, divorce, the need to care for an aging parent, or money issues related to student loans or under- or unemployment. In 2010, the country’s college graduates owed an average of $25,250 in loans, according to CNN Money. That is 5 percent more than the class of 2009 owed. The unemployment rate for the 2010 class was 9.1 percent, the largest on record. Compare that to the 20.4 percent unemployment rate for people who didn’t go to college (College Access & Success Project on Student Debt, 2009).

No matter an adult child’s education level, debt loads are high and income opportunities are increasingly limited. Therefore, many adult children are moving back in with their parents out of necessity.The movement to migrate back to mom and dad’s has been a few years in the making. Bankrate.com says that three-quarters of 2008 college graduates said they actually planned to move back in with their parents after graduation. In 2006, that figure was two-thirds, which is still a staggering number(Collegegrad.com)."To a certain extent, it's a sign of the economy," says Certified Financial Planner Craig Skeels of Apex Wealth Management Group in Oxnard, Calif. "If it continues to be a prolonged recession with more cuts in jobs, we may see a lot more adult children moving back home than what we're experiencing today."The adjustment for the parents and the adult child can certainly test the relationship. Mom and dad are at a new stage of their lives now compared to when the child was living at home before. If they aren’t already retired, they are perhaps, at the very least, used to the freedom of not having children around. The adult child may have anticipated being out on their own at this point, and it could feel unnatural to be back in mom and dad’s house. The latest census figures reveal that upwards of 80 million “empty nesters” are finding themselves with at least one grown child living at home. These adult children have been referred to as the “boomerang” generation.Making the new living situation workBoth parties can make it work and even thrive if conversations and agreements occur before or at the beginning of the new living arrangement.Troublewith.com, a website of Focus on the Family, offers these tips for a smooth integration and to minimize conflict.

• Discuss the terms – The sooner that ground rules and expectations can be established from both sides, the better. This can occur even before moving day arrives. Examples include overnight guests, loud stereos, chores, meals and food.
• Don't be afraid to ask questions – How long will the child be staying in the home? Is rent or a contribution to the household expenses a reasonable request? All relationships are better with good communication.
• Maintain a healthy relationship – Every situation is different, and some are quite complicated. Here are some tips for keeping the relationship intact:
  • Trust adult children to make wise choices. We all learn by making choices. The adult child needs to have the opportunity to make their own choices, even under the parents’ roof.
  • Try not to give advice unless it is solicited from the child. This may be difficult because the parent is aware of much more of the child’s life than it he or she were living outside the home. Again, the child needs the opportunity to grow on their own even though mom and dad are close by.
  • Communication is key. Regularly discuss how the situation is going. Everyone involved should be allowed to bring up issues, clarify expectations or simply clear the air.

Negotiate issues upfront and write them down if necessary. Fox Business News suggests creating a timetable for eventual financial independence. This can begin with fiscal responsibilities in relation to the household including food, utilities and gas for the car. Ultimately, the family needs to be on the same page and working toward a common goal. Fox Business News states in a comment to the parents, “Find the right balance between offering support and taking care of yourselves. You don't need to fall back into the roles you each played during the years of active parenting –parents giving and the kids receiving. If the parents have been enjoying an empty nest, continue doing just that.”Generally, the rules for the adult child will be very different than when they were growing up. As long as the grown child acts responsibly, such as holding a job, contributing financially or helping with meal preparation and household chores, he or she deserves the same liberty to come and go as any adult.Respect for the personal boundaries and preferences of both sides is crucial to the success of this living situation. With predetermined boundaries, good communication and an agreement to revisit and, if necessary, adjust the arrangement along the way, parents and children can create a very comfortable home for all involved.

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Nearly half (53%) of all informal caregivers reporting a decline of health
affecting their ability to provide care.  In an effort to be there for the health
of a loved one, many caregivers sacrifice their own health

Caring for an aging loved one can be a challenging experience. It can be difficult to
slowly watch a family member lose their independence and often, their mental
capacities. More often than not it is a middle aged family member who takes on
the responsibility of being the primary caregiver for their parents. Without
additional support, this caregiver can quickly find themselves overwhelmed and
depressed. While many caregivers find themselves up for the challenge, others
may find it more difficult to adjust to the constant demand of being a home
care provider.

Stress and depression can come in many forms. Often, caregivers have to take a leave of absence from work, or they have to cut back their hours to be at home more often. As a result, both parties have to sacrifice and do without. The
loss of monthly capital can lead to stress as it becomes harder to pay the
monthly bills. Additionally, the loss of personal interactions with colleagues
in the workplace can leave a caregiver feeling lonely and isolated. Managing
one’s family can also be difficult and being a caregiver can also lead to
stress in the marriage and immediate family. To avoid sacrificing one’s health
and family for the care of a family member, a caregiver must provide care for
themselves first so they may be able to care for another

There are various ways for a caregiver to stay positive during the time they spend caring for someone. Rather than feeling trapped, a caregiver should do their best to encourage social interactions for both themselves and their aging parents or patients. Dinner socials, poker/bridge nights, and birthday parties should all be encouraged to maintain a festive attitude throughout the home, and to avoid it from feeling like a prison. Maintaining a clean home can help keep good spirits and inviting visitors will
give you a good reason to clean and to stay positive. The caregiver should also make an effort to invite their family to these events to help maintain closeness and to promote family interaction during this time of change.

While maintaining social interactions can help a caregiver stay healthy, many others find success by turning inwards and focusing the time on improving themselves. Some may choose to take up a hobby or learn a new skill, while
others may choose to begin an exercise regimen to improve their own health.
This can be light to moderate exercise; just enough to get your blood pumping.
Feel free to invite your aging family member to also get moving as much is
safely possible. Regardless of age, most seniors can benefit from staying
active.

Submitted by Gabriela F. Brown, CSA

Owner, Constant Companions Home Care
Website: http://www.constantcompanions.net
gbrown@constantcompanions.netPhone and Fax: 888.883.8393

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Great Expectations

Home Care is a very flexible and cost-effective way to provide a safety net in your parents’ home requiring a minimal adjustment for them in the rhythm of their daily lives.

Even though home care creates a minimal change in lifestyle for your parents, it is has a strong undercurrent of emotion and expectations for the entire family. Home care is a life transition. Having a virtual stranger coming into your home to help manage the most basic aspect of living can trigger feelings of loss and deep emotional responses.

For the senior in need of care, loss of autonomy, independence and privacy are very real. This may be piled on top of other recent losses in health and relationships. No one, in my experience, has EVER welcomed the need for home care as it is usually follows some sort of loss or series of losses.

For the family, namely, the adult children, guilt, fear and inadequacy are feelings that are very relevant and real as well. Many, if not most, adult children wish that they had the time or lived close enough to provide the care they feel their parents deserve. Fear enters in with the control and direction they lose when hiring someone to provide the care. Feelings of inadequacy can surface, especially if they had attempted to provide the care themselves and it became overwhelming.

Rest assured that these emotions are all very natural and if your are feeling any of these things it is best to acknowledge the emotions as they come to the surface. Often, it is the act of hiring outside help that brings these feelings to the forefront. If these feelings are left unaddressed they can have detrimental effects on the success of home care assistance.

Often when people are not aware of or do not want to acknowledge these intense emotions, there is a tendency to place great expectations on the caregiver placed in the home to help. No matter how hard the caregiver works, they will never be a replacement for the adult child. The caregiver is an individual with their own history and personality. They will not immediately understand every nuance and preference of your parent.

Clearly defining tasks and reviewing skill is vital to beginning this professional relationship, which most reputable home care agencies will do with an in-home assessment and a plan of care. Once the expectations are established, they should remain constant as the caregiver establishes a rapport with the family. This takes time and can be a source of anxiety for both the adult children and the parents.

The focus of the caregiver should always be on the safety and well-being of the client. Housekeeping duties can be included, but shouldn’t be at the expense of quality care.  Obvious adjustments should be made if they are not appropriate or working out as anticipated. Clearly, if a caregiver is just NOT the right personality, that should be addressed as soon as possible, but not before careful consideration. If the caregiver is competent and professional, it may help to wait a little while rather than rush into a change. Learning the temperament and rhythms of a new client takes some time. After a while, the caregiver will develop a regular routine based on these daily rhythms and will increasingly be able to anticipate situations and changes and how best to deal with them.  

In short, no one can care for your parents like you can. However, if your situation requires outside assistance, do your best to understand the limits of the professional home care relationship and guard against placing unrealistic expectations. If the home care professional provided is caring and competent, provide space and flexibility for the relationship to develop. In the end this will help both the adult child and the parent ease into this life transition with minimal discomfort.

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(NaturalNews) It is quite common that many of us speak to older folks in a different manner and with a different tone. "Elderspeak" bears many traits which are similar to "baby talk", and these include simplified grammar and vocabulary, as well as overly intimate terms of endearment. And recent research has shown that such a communication style may not only be exasperating and insulting to many of the elderly, it can even negatively affect their health. About Elderspeak What is elderspeak? Broadly speaking, it is a style which is assumed to accommodate the perceived communication needs of elderly people. It involves speaking slowly, restrictions on vocabulary, simplified syntax, as well as exaggerated prosody. The fundamental assumption behind elderspeak is that the elderly are cognitively impaired, and thus need some "help". It can be said to be patronizing and disrespectful to the older adult. Researchers have also defined elderspeak as overly caring, controlling and infantilizing communication. Findings from Studies In a study led by Becca Levy, a professor at the Yale School of Public Health, it was found that elderly folks who were exposed to negative stereotypes commonly associated with ageing, enforced by condescending phrases and attitudes, performed significantly worse when tested for memory and balance. In one particular town in Ohio, her study team found that those who were above 50 and held positive perceptions about ageing went on to live 7.5 years longer than their peers who did not. This was after other health-affecting factors were already accounted for. Those attitudes were affected even by apparently harmless words and phrases and, profoundly, they supposedly had a greater impact than important factors such as smoking and exercise. Elsewhere, Kristine Williams, R.N., Ph.D., an associate professor at Kansas University, studied the effect of elderspeak on Alzheimer's patients with dementia. The interaction between staff and 20 residents of a nursing home, aged between 69 and 97 years and having moderate levels of dementia, were videotaped. The study found that the patients were more likely to resist care after they were spoken to using elderspeak, instead of the usual adult-to-adult form of communication. When resisting care, they would carry out actions such as saying no or crying out, turning away, grabbing onto someone or something, pulling their limbs tightly toward the body, or hitting and kicking. "There's the suggestion that these people are unable to communicate that their needs aren't being met. And because they can't communicate verbally, they may respond in these other nonverbal ways," Dr Williams said. And, according to her, the need in question could just be the wish to be treated as an adult who is worthy of respect. And, perhaps somewhat ironically, the biggest culprits of elderspeak are often healthcare workers, including doctors and nursing staff. The Problem with Elderspeak The problem with elderspeak, is that it hurts the self-esteem of those to whom it is used on. Worse, it can literally grind them down and send them on a self-fueling downward spiral toward ill health and even premature death. That, after all, is what we get when we communicate to people that they are weak, a liability, incompetent or even useless – they often prove us right! "Elderspeak is indicative of general negative stereotypes of the elderly. It is another example of how people are treated differently based on their age in healthcare, in the workforce and in everyday life. And we have found a clear connection between how the elderly are treated and their health and functioning," said Dr Levy. The Bottomline "Daily we are witness to, or even unwitting participants in, cruel imagery, jokes, languages and attitudes directed at older people," said Dr Robert Butler, president of the International Longevity Centre-USA, who first coined the term "ageism" some 40 years ago. With populations ageing in the US and in many developed nations, the need to avoid elderspeak becomes all the more significant. In the US, the 85-and-above age group is the fastest-growing one. Ms Elaine Smith, a 78 year old retired Chicago schoolteacher, who was subject to elderspeak when she was hospitalized for two months after suffering a fall, said that people can become quite indignant when she tells them she is offended by such a communication style. And she has an interesting viewpoint regarding elderspeak. "But I believe that the people who heap these endearments upon us are reacting to their own fears of ageing in a youth-oriented culture," she said. Her advice? Get over it. So, the next time we want to use terms such as "dear", "good girl" and "sweetie" on the elderly, or speak very slowly and in overly simplified language to them, we better think again. Main Source Talking down to the elderly is bad for their health, medical study finds (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/article3256340.ece) About the author Reuben Chow has a keen interest in natural health and healing as well as personal growth. His website, All 4 Natural Health, offers a basic guide on natural health information. It details simple, effective and natural ways, such as the use of nutrition, various herbs, herb remedies, supplements and other natural remedies, to deal with various health conditions as well as to attain good health. His other websites also cover topics such as depression help, omega 3 fatty acids, as well as cancer research and information.

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Posted on October 7, 2011 by gabriela

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Dementia Care

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Nearly one-third of people over the age of 65 are hard-of-hearing while nearly 50% of people over the age of 85 suffer from some form of hearing loss. Because hearing loss is usually a gradual process that begins in one's forties, it is commonly not recognized until it is significant. It is important to be able to recognize signs of hearing loss, have it diagnosed and treated.

Symptoms of hearing loss:

• Have trouble hearing over the telephone

• Find it hard to follow conversations when two or more people are talking,

• Need to turn up the TV volume so loud that others complain,

• Have a problem hearing because of background noise,

• Sense that others seem to mumble, or

• Can't understand when women and children speak to you.

Hearing loss in seniors can lead to others mistakenly thinking that seniors are confused, difficult or apathetic. Additionally, the senior may be embarrassed by the loss and resist seeking out medical help. The inability to fully communicate can lead to frustration and isolation. The key here is communication and enlisting the following strategies to bring these seniors back into the conversation:

• Make sure that you are looking at the listener and you are in a well-lit area.

• Don't shout, this can often create increased sound distortion.

• If there are 2 or more people present, make sure that only one person is speaking at a time.

• Address them directly by saying their name before starting a conversation so they have time to focus.

• Many people with hearing loss rely on lip-reading. Keep your hands away from your mouth and avoid smoking, chewing gum or eating while talking.

• Slow down a little but not too much. A natural and unhurried rate of speech allows the hearing impaired person to capture more words, read lips and facial expressions.

• If one ear is better than the other, make sure you are directing your speech to the better ear.

• Hearing loss can include certain sound distortions. They may hear your voice but not be able to decipher certain words or pitches.

• Minimize extra noise in the environment when have a discussion, like turning the TV or dishwasher off.

• If possible, avoid having discussions in settings that may have sudden loud sounds like busy streets, near construction areas or near airports.

• Depending on the level and type of hearing loss, certain words are almost impossible to understand, try rephrasing the sentence or find a different word. Don't repeat the word or sentence over and over again.

• Avoid sudden changes of topic. When the subject is changed clearly state the new topic and look for acknowledgement before proceeding.

• Write specific information, such as appointments, directions and schedules down, if you are talking over the phone, have them repeat the information back as many words and numbers sound similar.

• Understand that illness or tiredness may affect any person's ability to follow a conversation.

• If the listener looks confused, clarify that they understood what you were saying.

The best course of action to take if you suspect hearing loss is to see a doctor as soon as possible to determine the cause and treatments available. If you suspect hearing loss in a senior that you are caring for or that you care about, remember to be compassionate about discussing the possibility of hearing loss. It is important to be supportive regarding the options and opportunity for treatment. Motivation for the decision to seek treatment should be to increase their quality of life by providing the ability to participate in all social interactions to the best of their ability.

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Medicare may not be enough to cover your health care needs as you age. But how do you know what kind of health plan will work for you?

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Do you provide assistance for an older person who needs care? People of all ages can be caregivers, but it is very common for older people to become caregivers to their spouses or other loved ones, and – too often – they begin to neglect their own health at an age when they should really be paying more attention to it.

Caregiving is both mentally and physically stressful, and caregivers are considered to be at increased risk for physical health problems and depression. If you are a caregiver in your senior years, it is even more important that you take care of your own health.

The Health Effects of Caregiving

Whether caring for an ailing spouse or another loved one, many caregivers become so concerned with their care-providing role that they neglect their own health, putting themselves at increased risk of:

• Poor physical health: 16 percent of caregivers say that their health declined after they become caregivers.
• Psychological stress: Approximately half of all people who provide Alzheimer's care, a common type of elder care, report experiencing distress. The effects of psychological stress can be widespread and may include depression, burnout, alcohol and drug use, and other problems.
• Self-neglect: Caregivers are more likely than non-caregivers to eat poorly, be sleep deprived, not exercise, not rest when ill, and postpone medical appointments.
• Death: Caregivers are at higher risk of dying than the general population.

Caring for Yourself While Providing Care

When you’re involved in the stress and chaos of providing elder care, or any type of caregiving, it can be difficult to take a step back and focus on yourself. Keep in mind: The loved one you are caring for will be the first to benefit when you make your own health a priority.

Follow these suggestions for taking care of yourself while providing elder care:

• Participate in stress-reducing activities. Find things that you like to do to relieve the stress of caregiving. Take a yoga class, garden, meditate, or spend time with a friend. Do these activities regularly and you’ll have a better sense of control over your situation.
• Get your own medical care. You may be spending a lot of time at the doctor with your loved one, but don't use that as an excuse to skip your own medical visits. Make sure that you are getting regular check-ups and any testing vital for your own good health.
• Exercise regularly. Exercising will help reduce stress and keep you in good physical shape. Book regular appointments for yourself to take a brisk walk, attend an exercise class, or do some other type of physical activity that you enjoy.
• Take breaks. It is important that you get some time away from caregiving, though this can be especially difficult if you are providing elder care for someone who needs around-the-clock attention. Don't be shy: Ask another family member to step in and help. A friend or neighbor might be willing to give you a break. Also inquire about respite care resources in your community; options include day visits or short stays at a senior care facility.
• Practice positive self-talk. Many caregivers impose a huge burden on themselves, so it is important for your psychological health to replace negative thoughts with positive thinking. For example, instead of telling yourself, "I never do anything right," try focusing on the positive by thinking, "My aging parents enjoy spending time with me." If possible, talk about this with your loved one, who may be able to give you peace of mind by letting you know exactly what you are doing right.

As you begin to focus on your own health, you will feel more vital and energized, which will improve the quality of care you give to your loved ones.

Get more information in the Everyday Health Senior Health Center.

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Aging happens naturally, but aging well takes careful planning. Take steps to ensure that your financial, living, and medical needs will be met in old age.

Aging is a time of transition. Many people start taking steps to eat better, get regular exercise, and manage stress to extend their healthy years. But it goes beyond that: Healthy aging should include thinking ahead to the financial, medical, and family issues that you could face in old age.

Your Personal Security Plan

Older adults face many decisions in the last decades of their lives. Taking some time to look at the issues ahead and plan accordingly can make the future easier and more enjoyable for both you and your family. Here are some areas to consider:

• Your money. Saving for retirement is important, and you want to make sure you have enough money to live on and enjoy life in your old age. You also want to make sure that money is protected, that you can get to it if you need it, and that you have enough to take care of yourself and your family. You should also make decisions about what should happen to that money when you die by preparing a will or trust document that spells out your wishes.
• Your health care. You may need more health care in old age than you did when you were younger. It’s important to make sure that you have health insurance coverage, possibly a second plan to cover costs not met by Medicare, and that you understand the coverage and have enough money on hand to cover what your plan doesn't. Keep your health and life insurance policy information stored in a safe but accessible place.
• Your life. The onset of a health emergency – such as a heart attack, stroke, major injury, or terminal illness – is not the best time to make key decisions. Preparing advance directives like a durable power of attorney, a living will, and other documents that state your end-of-life wishes can save you and your family from unneeded stress in a time of crisis.
• Your care. It's tough to think about not being able to take care of yourself, but that point may come. Friends and family members may not be able to give you the level of care that you need when living with a debilitating illness. While you're still healthy and able, make decisions about potential living arrangements, like a nursing home or assisted living facility, hospice care, home health care, and other available care options, depending on your condition. Choose which options you prefer in various situations, and consider how you will pay for them.
• Your home. Your home may be easy for you to navigate and comfortable for you now, but think about how that may change when you get older. A big house with lots of stairs to climb may present a serious challenge if you have health or physical problems. Take stock of your living arrangements to see if safety modifications or remodeling can be done now to provide for your health at home later.

Protecting Your Partner

It's never too early to start thinking about how you're going to handle and pay for your care in old age, especially if you’re the primary breadwinner in your household. A debilitating illness such Alzheimer's disease or a serious stroke can quickly deplete your financial resources. Consider your health, and the health of your spouse, partner, or family members. Make preparations and provisions and develop a plan to deal with these issues in the event one of you becomes sick.

Although financial assistance for senior health care is available, it's best to begin planning well in advance. Programs like Medicaid have strict rules and regulations, and may not cover enough of your medical expenses for you to maintain a comfortable standard of living. Start looking at your financial options early and consult with legal and financial professionals to ensure that you and your family are cared for in your old age.

Figuring Out What You Need as You Age

When you’re ready to start planning, there are people who can assist you in making the necessary arrangements. An elder care attorney can advise you and your spouse or partner on legal issues and financial arrangements and draw up legal documents.

Also, consider having a geriatric medical assessment done. This process can give you a picture of your overall health. The earlier health problems are identified, the more input you’ll be able to have in your future care and the care of your family. Your health care team can help develop a plan to make sure your living arrangements are safe and will serve your needs in the years ahead. An assessment is an especially good idea if you are already experiencing some health problems or signs of dementia.

Although no one likes to think about getting old, putting a plan in place earlier rather than later can help you maintain the lifestyle you want to have as you enter your later years.

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When an aging parent begins to experience dementia or Alzheimer’s disease, aggressive behaviors can develop that hurt.

Dementia can cause personality changes that include aggression and verbal abuse. It’s not unusual for a parent experiencing cognitive decline to pinch, hit, kick or overreact to criticism or minor stress.

Understand that it’s not personal
Coping with a parent who has dementia is never easy. It’s important to understand aggression and negative behaviors are caused by triggers that can be controlled. One of the most difficult things to do is not take hostility and anger personally.

Handling aggressive outbursts
Acknowledge that your mother or father is upset and reassure them.

Don’t argue. If you need some time to get collected, leave the room.

Use distraction. Try to refocus your parent’s attention to something pleasant. Humor, music or a gentle back rub might help calm angry outbursts.

Don’t react by being upset. Use role playing with siblings, friends or your spouse to practice remaining calm and collected.

Try to understand what your parent is really trying to say. Dementia makes it difficult to communicate. Personality changes stem from lack of inhibition and judgment about how to behave appropriately.

Be patient, don’t ask questions that are difficult to answer or might be overwhelming. Focus on your parent’s strengths in conversation and always remain calm.

According to the UK Alzheimer’s Society, call for help if you need it. Never try to restrain a person with dementia who is acting violently. Give them space.

Try to identify causes
A study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry, found depression, combined with dementia can contribute to hurtful, aggressive behavior that might require treatment with medications. Other causes include taking too many medications and sleep disorders. Speak with your parent’s health care provider about options.

The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) suggests patients with dementia do best when they have contact with the same people, are allowed to care for themselves as long as possible, stay in the same living situation and follow consistent routines. Try to identify whether any of the aforementioned are making things worse.

Losing a parent to dementia can hurt. Understanding how to deal with a parent's aggression and hostility can make it easier to cope and help calm hurtful criticisms, verbal and physical outburst and overreactions. Remember too, that it’s important to talk to family, friends or a support group about your feelings.

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